What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 00:57
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Put me off passion for life!!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Would you raise your children like your parents raised you?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I waited trembling.
Why is there no evidence of a multiverse theory?
Would this be the day?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She found it foreign!.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Why do people still think Michael Jackson was guilty?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
As i do to all so called friends.?
But it wasn’t much.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Can you summarize season 1 of "The Acolyte"?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why is the covert narcissist actively avoiding me when they see me everyday?
Im still living with it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
But, we were locked up after school.
Does turmeric help fight cancer? If so, how?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Has anyone shared his wife with a friend? How was it?
I could never make a relationship work though!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
What were some of the unforgettable incidents from your school life?
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Why do many women wear sleeveless shirts, more so than men?
I was 9 years of age.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I was seconnd youngest,
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
This is soul school!.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She loved him until the end.
I was scared of men, in general
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I couldn’t, believe it.
We were not on the streets..
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
All the time i was locked up.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I have no regrets .
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He knew the spot.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I think the readers, may guess!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
She wouldn,t have been !
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Comes on , in middle age.
I don,t even have a pension.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Why did i forgive my father ?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
When she asked me how she looked .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I never cut or harmed myself..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I will be 64.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
(And it was in our own minds.)
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He resisted the act ,that day.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
One cannot live in the past .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What did i know ?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Especially a lifetime of it.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I write beautiful poetry .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
My family never makes their pension either.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My life is so biszare .
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Ive learnt so much.
It was going to be , some day.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
So, i spoilt her more .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She married twice! .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
And i lived it daily.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Who then, do I blame.?
This is how, and why children get BPD.
So whats the point in blame.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
She was in good health!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I said to her
Was to survive, this bastard.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We all went to grammer schools
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I was very sick at this time too.